Letter to Jennifer Kolbek:

First and foremost I want to send my deepest regards for the loss of your dear husband; I can’t imagine how that has been. I found out about it through a message on facebook from someone, and I froze, then I cried. I cried, not because I was sad that a friend had passed away, but because I knew you were in a tremendous amount of pain, and I felt it.

Having said that, I really do miss you, and I miss the kids. Your children are beautiful and well raised and good Christian people, and I know that my kids will be too. I often feel weird calling them "my kids" because I’ve been away for so long that I don’t feel they are mine anymore. It used to hurt but now I’ve accepted it and moved on. I’m very happy that you have stepped up to protect them in the way that you have, as any loving mother would. I know you had the right motives, you wanted to protect them from the DHS and for whatever reason, from me. But I think you did go about it wrong.

I wanted to make this confession to you because I feel terrible about the way I went about things, and to expose how the FBI and DHS, etc...use people’s emotions to get feedback they want.

Back in 2008 when I was staying with Jeanne Downs and working at Walmart, everything was going fine and it was quiet. We were cooking and cleaning like normal. Then Jeanne got a knock at the door. It was FBI agents Tim Akins and Randall Harris. They had come to talk to Jeanne and Alana (this was a day or 2 after the raid). They had no clue who I was and I was hoping it stayed that way. The agents asked me to go into another room until they were done interviewing Jeanne and Alana. About an hour later they called me by name and said they needed to talk to me. I sat on the couch, they showed me their badges and asked me, "Do you know were John Kolbek is?" I told them no, why would I know where he is, I never talk to him. Tim Akins was the one asking me these questions. Then he said, "Do you know were Jennifer Kolbek is?" I said no, and asked why they were looking for you guys. Tim said they just needed to talk to you to ask you a few questions and assured me that nobody was in trouble. I was relieved, so I gave them your phone number, but NEVER gave them your address. Then Tim proceeded to ask me why were my children with you, and how long, and why, etc... (How they knew I had kids? I don’t know, how they knew my kids were with you? I don’t know, I didn’t want them to know that!) They asked me do I want my kids back. I told them yes, but only after I get on my feet and am able to care for them financially. I told them that you were doing very good with them and they were safe. Then Randall said, "Well, do you know that John Kolbek beat two kids half to death and he beat an adult bloody? And Jennifer helped him do it.” I said no, and he said, “Do you really want your kids living with this brutal dangerous man? and I of course responded no...They then wrapped up the interview.

A few weeks later, I was at my job, doing the graveyard shift at Walmart which meant I got off work at 7am. At 7 am. a woman in a van pulled up asking if I was Antavia Meggs. I said yes. She showed me her badge and told me that they needed me in Texarkana for an interview and that my kids may be in danger and they needed my help. I got in the van, we got a few things from my house and we headed to Texarkana. I slept the whole way there, being so tired from work all night. We arrived and they took me to a room with a video camera, with my dad and Debbie Ondrisek sitting there (for their court hearing), and then everyone started hounding me with questions left and right and confusing me. It’s crazy cuz none of the questions involved my kids or John Kolbek. They were about Tony and the church and my childhood. They had a light glaring in my face and a camera 3 feet from my face. I just wanted to get out of there. I honestly before God don’t remember half the things I said or the questions, because most of what I said, I was just parroting what was told me. And all I was thinking is, “OK, let me hurry and answer their questions so I can go to my safe home and sleep.”

Never did I contact DHS or contact FBI, they always contacted me.

Throughout this whole process the FBI was trying to get a hold of John, and they would continuously call me for interviews, I guess because they thought I was the closest person and had seen him more recently and often than others, and I wasn’t family. At first they had me fax all my information and the information of my kids, ages, race, how they looked, etc, and they urged me to go to the media and assured me that if I stayed quiet and if they stayed with you and John, that they were in danger of being beat or killed by him… Of course I was frantic. I didn’t understand why John would do something so horrific and I didn’t know whether or not my kids were safe, and the FBI acted as if they also had the same concern for my kids’ safety.

The media then contacted me (not me them) and interviewed me. My first interview was by a man who jotted my statements down on paper. Then when I read the paper the next day it was totally not what I said!!! They added and took away things I said!! Which is why I wanted another interview by someone else, hoping that this person would get it right. This time it was a woman, and the same thing happened. They added and took away from things I said. Don’t believe everything you read in the paper.

In 2011 when John passed, I was contacted via facebook by one of my sisters’ foster parents. I was devastated. The chief of police in Kentucky told me the story via email for he heard of my concern about how everything happened. I asked him did he see my kids. He said yes, all the kids there looked healthy and very distraught at everything that took place. I also spoke with close neighbors and friends of yours while you were on the farm and they assured me that you are a lovely person to be around and the kids were always running and playing and helping with the animals, very happy, healthy, and not abused...that’s all I needed to hear.

Since January 2011, I have not spoken with the FBI, DHS, police, nothing. I’m sick at how they use people and use children to get what they need. They play on people’s emotions and lie to people, and play the guilt card on people. I guess that’s just their job. Since I have been able to think on my own, now I realize like I said earlier that you love those kids dearly, you would never hurt them, and that you will protect them at all costs, like I would. I’m so sorry for anything I said about you that may have been untrue. I consider them beautiful children yours, because they are. I still love them and would love a picture or phone call every now and then, but I realize the situation. I’m a very strong individual, and can own up to my mistakes...I never meant to hurt you or drive you away. I was just worried and with no contact with you, I didn’t know if the kids were OK or not. I’m sorry.

Antavia